There seems to be two facets of me which have very conflicting but very convincing arguments. This has made me very indecisive, impatient, confused and may be almost lost at this very moment and many previous moments, though it may not reflect in my countenance always. After all this society does not like such a person and I would say that the environment in which we are likes people who are the exact opposite of this or may be who pretend to be just the opposite in the state I am now. But I would let my thoughts flow like the Ganges from the Himalayas. Pure and untouched by any personal judgement. You might find see yourself in the conversations and would appreciate if you would not judge until the end.
I believe in the super being. It might be that I have lived in an atmosphere and environment which has purported this concept or may be it has its grounds in my personal past experiences. I feel many times that my life, my thoughts and all its events have been orchestrated by him. Another voice rises in me questioning who is this “I”. It says “I am here too and my freedom of thought is equally important”. I had heard of freedom of speech but what is this freedom of thoughts. Lolz. May be I am up for some interesting or at least funny conversation. The second voice speaks “How can my thoughts be his/her work?” The first voice replies calmly, all the events and past moments till this point has directed me to think in the way I am doing at this point. Even penning down the thoughts of this turbulent mind, I think it was destined.
The second voice expresses his argument “A very longstanding question comes to my mind again and again to counter this. If everything is destined and pre-decided, then why should we think and act at all. If we shall get what we are destined, then why so much make any effort, undergo pain or ever be worried. Does that mean that I can be go lucky and be happy”. May be I do not know but certainly the point is well made.
The first voice nods and continues in introspection “Though I would not term myself as “ambitious” but certainly “aspirational” would apply. Sometimes I feel I might have breached the fine line. In the back of my mind some unknown desire or something is continuously making plans to achieve something which has always seemed out of reach looking from that position. But there is some kind of belief, that one can achieve anything and everything which one desires and dreams with obsession. If one is really obsessed to realize that next position, then I guess he / she would find the entire of his/her mind and heart engaged in that thought as to how to achieve it. Though I try to maintain my calmness and focus on the goal, but the thoughts and plans does not let me be in peace until I achieve it. It is something like, I have a sense of unfulfillment and incompleteness. The moment I reach the aspiration, I see the next big thing which I this ever hungry desire wants to achieve and next and next. It has been just the case for my entire life”.
The second voice joins “And after reaching the step, when I look back, I see many have done it so easily which I thought was my personal achievement. When I look up, I find many who stand ahead of me. Not only in terms of materialistic possession, societal status, spiritual elevation or any parameter, I feel that I am nowhere to the best. Not even 1% of what many bright humans have achieved.” Hey I am not becoming philosophical, and don’t judge me as a loser or a swagger. I am just one of you.
Hey now another voice rises in me. Now who is this!! I think this is me. J “Two questions come to my mind. First, if many stand above and below me in any parameter or anything which I want to achieve, then why toil and keep myself busy so much. Secondly, if I am not been the best in what I have done till now, then what is that thing which I will be best at. Should I be searching or will it find me”.
The second voice looks at the sky and says “May be.. I think.. I think to answer the first one, my belief is that everything is destined may not be true. And we make our destiny by making our choices in this life. It is an exam and we are just giving our shot at it. Everyone is given a different live case study and things unfold and take course based on the choices or decisions one takes. So, toil and work towards achieving what you think that the case study solution might be. “
The third voice, “Me” questions “Why is the case study different for everyone. Why we are born in different environments with different settings in the first place. Then is it linked to some previous birth karma or is it just a varied question”.
The second voice answers “It a very debatable topic as I do not know whether there is any previous or next birth and whether karma of previous birth translates into the current setting, we are born with. But the choices you make and the karma you do at this moment will certainly affect the next moments in this life. There are people who become great beating all the odds like the Chaiwala. So, maybe we are born as per his/her will but we define our course”.
The first voice argues “May be this was destined too though I believe that Karma is very important”. But, I would like to address your second question, why do you want to be the best in everything or anything. If everything in this world is different, even the twins are. Then why do you want to be like the best or surpass the best in something? You might be different category altogether and might do something which nobody has done. Or you might have components of some parameters that are required to serve your purpose that the super being has sent you for. Find that “the” thing is like looking for your counterpart or destiny brings you together. It will happen what has to happen. But, you should give your best shot to appease yourself and not complain later that you could have done something or achieved which you have not. Well, it seems my first friend do converge at some point”.
Ha!!! I caught both of you. “Don’t give conflicting statement and try to appease each other by giving politically correct statements to appease each other”. If I am free to make my choices and make my destiny, then how can you say that a super being has planned something for me? May be both of you are right or both of you are wrong. And I do not know whom to believe. I have no one else to go to whom I can go with confirmation. May be people go to spiritual gurus, mentors or others to get their answers. I think I have not got enough satisfaction to blindly trust anyone about this question till now. But, there is something which tells me that the answer to all my questions lies buried in those high mountains. I do not know whether my questions will ever be answered and whether I will ever find out the purpose of my life and why am I here. May be we together can find it someday if you also haven’t. Till then…..lets continue the search till eternity.
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